I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Someone came in the potted fern
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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