you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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