A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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