okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
