I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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