I could make wine with my vomit
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
