Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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