i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
