me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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