covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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