I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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