"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
