we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
