I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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