All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
