i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize