He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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