We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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