I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
