I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
