every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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