Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
