Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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