nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
COCAINE IS GR8
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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