I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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