dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
