Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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