"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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