last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize