My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
