I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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