Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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