well you can't waste a boner
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
