I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
