where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
