please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize