Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
