he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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