Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
