I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
