The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
