Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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