So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
