I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
