"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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