Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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