So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
