You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
