I have demons in me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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