It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
