who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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