My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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