I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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