There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
