Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
false alarm, still single
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