today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
