His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
