I looked at my own cervix.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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