Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
