My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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