idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
