i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
