I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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