Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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