ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
