She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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