one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
