i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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