I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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