Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
