i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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