you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
