remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
