Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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