just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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