Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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