so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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