Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
