You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
