btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
