It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
