I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
