So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
