I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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