I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
